Click

Caught in a loop

My hand moved back and forth in a comforting rhythm as I brushed my teeth. The toothbrush bristles scraping my gums raw as my mouth filled up with foam. I stared through blurry eyes at my reflection in the mirror until I spat into the sink. The faucet let loose a feeble stream which chased the foam down the drain while a yawn stretched my creaking jaw and sealed my eyes shut. When I regained control of my face I worked on straightening my tie. The clock ticked as I fumbled with the fabric, untying and retying, before finally abandoning the fight and tucking the extra length into the front of my pants.

With one last glance at my reflection, taking note of the 5am stubble on my cheeks, I headed out of the bathroom. I picked up my briefcase from where I had set down in the hallway and my cat, Felix, purred and chased after me. Her ritual pounce onto the swinging briefcase set her claws deep into the leather and I had to shake it out of her grasp before clutching it to my chest. I poured my liquid breakfast from a warmed up day-old pot of coffee into a mug and headed out to the driveway where my car was parked. Morning dew coated the windshield with a few green leaves from a nearby tree. The summer heat was off to a head start and the brewing humidity was thickening in my lungs. I sighed as I could already feel sweat pooling on my lower back and armpits.

Click. I buckled myself into my white ’96 Honda Civic with its rusted wheel hubs. My hands brushed over the cracked leather wheel as I turned the key in the ignition. The engine stuttered to life and I reached down with my left hand to crank down the drivers window. Squinting against the reflection of the sun in my rear view mirror, I shifted the car into reverse. I stared at the weeds proliferating the cracks in my driveway as I pulled out. I would need to do something about those. I executed my ninety degree reversal and noticed a car waiting for me to finish, I gave an apologetic wave and pressed my foot down on the gas pedal. The Civic crawled off, its four cylinders pushing like the little engine that could.

Coming to the stop sign out of the neighborhood, I cranked my head to the left to check for oncoming traffic, rolling the car forward as I did. Seeing nothing, I pushed on the gas and felt a thud at the same time I heard a yelp come through my cracked window. I slammed down on my brakes and waited for the universe to tell me what had happened. I didn’t see anyone in front of me. And I didn’t see anything around me. Then I saw the stray dog stagger up from the ground in front of my car. Its large brown eyes drew me in like a whirlpool before it let out a whimper and limped off down the sidewalk.

I sat there, debating on if I should park and go after the dog. But a car pulled up behind me and ended my internal conflict. I checked left again and pulled out onto Grandwood St. The four cylinder stuttered up to the speed limit, the vibration becoming smoother as the engine warmed up. Moisture condensed on my forehead and I dabbed it away with a spare handkerchief I kept in my glove box. I fumbled with the knob for the air conditioner, hoping that there was still enough coolant left to battle the heat. I crossed into the intersection of Grandwood St and 100^th as the engine power faded over to the compressor.

Click. I buckled myself into the cracked leather seat of my white ’96 Honda Civic. I had fumbled putting my coffee mug onto the dashboard, almost spilling it as I tossed the briefcase onto the passenger seat. I rubbed my eyes as the reflection from the sun in my rear view mirror stabbed into them. Opening up the center console, I grabbed my aviator sunglasses and twisted them slightly before forcing them onto my face. I felt the stubble on my cheeks as I did and resolved to wake up earlier tomorrow to shave. The morning routine took slightly longer with each passing day.

I backed up out of the driveway while my eyes traced over the peeling white paint on the brick surrounding the front door. I needed to hire someone to give the house a fresh paint job. I spotted a car that had come to an abrupt stop to avoid hitting me. I pressed on the gas as I watched her fingers drum away on the steering wheel as she shook her head. As soon as I was out of the way, I gave a friendly wave as an apology and she floored it past me in her black Lexus SUV. I crawled out of the neighborhood, giving my Civic a chance to warm herself up. With the heat already starting, she wouldn’t make it to work if I pushed too hard too soon.

I pulled up to the stop sign at Grandwood St. and looked left, checking for any oncoming cars while observing the wilting palm trees. A crew was hard at work shimmying up the trees to cut off the dead branches. I remembered John, my nosy neighbor, mentioning that the HOA had budgeted for tree maintenance. He had told me about it while standing on my sidewalk judging the state of my house. He had restated the importance of appearance along with following the HOA guidelines. John was undoubtedly the reason HOA notices appeared on my doorstep within the week.

I pushed my foot down on the gas and crept forward, a yelp and a thud greeting me. My foot pressed down on the brake and I cranked my head around looking for the source. A black stray dog, its fur in clumps, pushed itself up from in front of the car. It stared at me with wounded eyes before limping off across the street towards the tree crew. They glanced at the stray and then returned to gaily shouting at one another while they worked. I shook my head as a feeling of deja vu shivered up my spine. I merged onto Grandwood St. and levered down on the gas pedal, pushing the old girl up to speed while turning on the air conditioner. I looked up and noticed the red light at the intersection at 100^th.

Click. I buckled myself into the once glamorous bucket seat of my white ’96 Honda Civic with its worn tires. I would need to get the tires replaced this weekend. And the brakes. They hadn’t been performing well of late. I lifted up my coffee from where I had set it on the dashboard and took a sip, gagging on the aged bitter coffee hues. I cranked down my window as I thumbed the wipers. They chased each other across my windshield and left long streaks reflecting the morning sunlight. I geared it into reverse and backed out of the driveway, hearing a screech of brakes as I did. My head jerked around to see that the neighbor in her new Lexus had come to a screeching stop to avoid hitting me.

I pressed down on the gas and backed up into the street, waving an apology as she sped past. She had moved in a month ago and had introduced herself a week later while her eyes danced over the weeds decorating my lawn. Then she had walked off with her Pomeranian, muttering to herself as the dog relieved itself on John’s grass. John had put up a ‘don’t let your dog pee’ sign on his lawn the very next day. I favored the gas as I made my way out of the neighborhood, observing the mismatched houses. The homes of old friends and lawns that had seen better days contrasting with the lawns of new families with freshly mown grass complimenting new paint.

A sigh escaped my lungs as I pulled up to the stop sign at Grandwood St. and peered left. My eyes took in the browning grass that the city sprinklers had exhausted themselves trying to keep green. At the beginning of spring, they sparkled with a deep green hue, but in the middle of summer the heat always triumphed. I let off the brake and pressed on the gas to merge onto Grandwood St., skidding to a halt as my senses were shocked by a yelp and thud. A stray dog with a scar across its graying muzzle stood up in front of my car. It stood there and judged me with eyes full of betrayal. My heart ached as he limped off. I knew that he wouldn’t come near me. I had tried for months to feed him and had been rejected, but I still wanted to go after him to see if he was okay.

A car honked behind me as an anxious neighbor expressed their desire for me to take the turn. I shook my head and pressed down on the gas to merge into traffic. The heat had sapped what little energy I had started with this morning and I turned on my air conditioner, wishing for a refreshing breeze. I looked up as I came to 100^th and saw that it was a red light. I slammed my foot down on the brake but the traction I was expecting didn’t happen and my car kept rolling forward. My heart skipped a beat before hammering faster as my knuckles turned white clenching onto the steering wheel. I turned my head left and saw a semi bearing down on me, it’s horn blaring through my cracked window. I closed my eyes and felt my body jerk right as the scream of wrenching metal split the air and shards of glass stabbed my face.

Click. My calloused hand buckled my seatbelt. Years of carpentry work had calloused the skin to the point I had little feeling remaining. A tear rolled down my cheek as I waited for the car I knew would be there to pass. But it didn’t come. I put the gearbox into reverse and started pulling out of the driveway only to receive a honk from a black Lexus screeching to a stop. I waved to a face with little time for me before I drove slowly through the neighborhood, keeping my eyes peeled for a certain stray dog.

I slowed down to come to a stop before the stop sign at Grandwood St. so that I could avoid hitting said dog, but my effort was in vain as I watched a blur of black fur sprint from behind a hedge and in front of my car. The familiar yelp sounded and I reached down to unbuckle, but before I could put the car in park, the retired stray was limping away. Streams of water were pouring down my cheeks now. I buckled back up and merged into traffic, going slow and skipping the air conditioner. I braked in preparation as I watched the light turn red, but the pedal hit the floor and the wheels kept rolling. I looked through watery eyes at the semi bearing down on me. I crossed into the intersection and squeezed my eyes shut, forcing one last tear to roll down my cheek.

Click.